I have always admired women and men who wore their hair naturally. But, I spent most of my adult life trying to fit into the mainstream ideal of beauty. Long hair, fake nails, and the latest style of clothing… was what I lived for. No matter how much money I spent, what hairstyle I got, how long my weave was – I was never happy with myself. I remember thinking, why do I keep getting these weaves? Because I don’t feel beautiful with them. But I keep doing it. I felt the pressure from my corporate job to fit in. And I felt the pressure from some of the people around me, to try and achieve that long beautiful flowing hair that most magazines and commercials promote daily. In the end, none of that matters. If that’s is what makes you happy, then go for it. For me, I felt like I was living a lie.
So I started to tune in to the people around me, that did have natural, unpermed hair. I began to research dreadlocks / loc’s to find out more information. And with the support of my husband, I decided to stop perming my hair. To stop spending tons of money on weaves. To stop letting hair stylist put harmful chemicals in my hair. And to stop allowing myself to be untrue to who I am. And part of me knew that I needed and wanted the freeness of having natural hair. But I denied myself from locking my hair because of my fear of losing my corporate job or never being able to get ahead in my career because of it. Or just the idea of constantly being judged or being rejected, scared me. Then I realized, that I am a beautiful African American woman that did not need the fake hair, fake nails, or latest fashion to be beautiful. If I was rejected at work or by any one else, for being myself, then that job or person was not meant to be a part of my life. I had to stop and think about my inner beauty – I didn’t have to buy it, I already had it in me. I just needed to accept who I was and let the rest follow.
When my hair started to loc, I felt this amazing joy. I felt like I was awakened from this dark place and there was just light. I felt beautiful, sexy, real, empowered and like I was finally being honest with myself, as to whom I really am. I have loc’s. I love and cherish them… and I will be loc’d for life! My epiphany has made me want to share my story with others. I want to reach out to those that may not have that support system. And to let them know how wonderful it is to let go of that need to be someone were not. Naturally beautiful is the way to be… now, always and forever.
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