Self Reject
All of my life I have been obsessed with straight hair or the illusion of straight hair. In 2003 things were bad for me I was dealing with the after effects of being in an abusive relationship. A relationship that too the casual observance was beautiful I always smiled and covered my bruises and my shame. I was watching G.I. JANE one day and just started hacking. Then I stopped. I started crying. I COULDNT BELIEVE what I had allowed myself to endure. The shame I succumbed to because of a man and his so called love. For 2 days I pondered what to do with half a head of hacked hair. I called Howard Baker and he finished the disaster I had started.

Liberation ensued.

I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and for the longest time was the only non white kid in my school– unless you count a few (3 teachers) and the cooks and custodians. I was obsessed with trying to fit in as much as possible. I had access to everything but straight hair.

My hair is so good it had to be subdued every 3 weeks to be read Relaxed. THERE IS NOTHING RELAXED ABOUT ME. so WHY would I do to my hair what I HATE for people to do to me. CHANGE me and CONFORM me.

All thru school my parents denied me false hair and the first thing I did when I turned 18 was started wearing weaves. Once I finalized my soccer scholarship I moved to braids. I kept different styles from 1999-2002.

I decided when I cut off Chris and my old life ( via my hair) that I would stay natural. For me that’s harder than not eating ice-cream. My hair can smell rain 100 miles away and swell up. My hair has murdered more Afro picks and broken more than one rat-tailed comb. But its mine. I am resigned to the fact that I have Great Hair but that I can not deal with it. So I’ll just pay Zee or Erica to do it for me. But I love my hair. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my hair and damn all the Micheal Sumners, Elena Trebits and every other person I masticated with for helping me feel like less than. When in all actuality I am better than.

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